


Whale song

by Prawnperson



Category: Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! (2012)
Genre: Albino is babey, Alternate Scene, Character Parallels, Drabble, F/M, Green does actually write a series of books so, If anyone knows who Francine is, M/M, Some innuendo, Sort Of, Teen and up just to be safe, The Captain does too of course but his is like a whole plot point, This is just unapologetic cheese sorry, same, scarf is just really horny, suggestive scenes, these poor pirates live out their romantic dreams through their bad writing, written in the style of the books, yeah - Freeform, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23279452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prawnperson/pseuds/Prawnperson
Summary: An alternate version of the scene from the second book where the Captain tries to lure the white whale to them with his tawdry pot boiler romance. What if the rest of the crew tried their hands at some writing?
Relationships: No actual ships but, we all know what’s going on
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	Whale song

The Pirate Captain closed his book and all the pirates clapped. “Right, you go next, Number Two.” The Captain said, with a slight grin in his voice. The pirate with a scarf stood, cleared his throat awkwardly, and suddenly decided it would be a much better idea to read his story sitting down, flustering at the looks the crew gave him.

“Uh...mine doesn’t have a name yet.” He admitted. The Captain still gave him an encouraging little nod and with that, he started to read.

———

“Oh, Captain, we mustn’t...”

Francine panted, but the strong minded quartermaster knew it was no use. The passion that had been burning between the two companions had finally reached its climax. As fierce and independent as she was, even she fell victim to her Captain’s simple, foolish, gentlemanly charm and boyish sense of humour. She had gone too long without the touch of another person. She wanted him.

“I can’t, Francine. I’ve wanted you for years now. Your intelligence, your wit, your calm sensibility, and your crystal blue eyes. They’ve all driven me to distraction, and now I must take you as my own.”

Despite herself, Francine melted at the long awaited praise, the small, pert swells of her breasts heaving enticingly as her wrists were pinned against the wall of the Captain’s cabin, his free had brushing short locks of hazel curls away from her collar, his sharp teeth latching onto the small portion of her neck that was exposed-

———

“Hold the bus a minute, Number Two. Cabin boys present.” 

“Ah...sorry...”  
Before anymore awkward coughs or crossed legs could add to the uncomfortable tension on deck, Jennifer rustled the papers in her lap, flicking her pencil behind her ear and grinning.

“Well, as filthy as that looked like it was going to be, I think mine’s a bit more family friendly. Shall I go next? Right...”

———

The creature was made of thick vines encircling the body of a man. Where flesh should have been, there was only stone, cold and grey and lifeless, yet moving as though there was blood pulsing warmly below the surface. Anabelle Cortez drew a steadying breath, fingertips brushing against the cold, rough surface of its cheek, watching with fascination as wide green eyes blinked slowly open, almost glowing.

“Who are you?”

She asked. Her voice was as steady as ever. The creature only shook its head, still gazing at her with a look that dripped reverence. It seemed to already be besotted with her, for she was a force of nature herself, and it was the spirit of the forest that she guarded with her bravery every night.

———

“Spooky!” The albino pirate chirped, clapping his pale hands together happily. There was a murmur of agreement amongst the crew, some of them now wondering if they should make their next Halloween costume the stone monster from Jennifer’s story. 

“It’s good, Jen, but I don’t think a monstrous albino whale is going to pop his ugly head in for a chapter of Aesop’s and a harpoon in the eye.”

“It was nothing like Aesop’s...” Jennifer pouted, but the rest of the crew were quick to assure her that her story was much better than the pirate with a scarf’s chicken scratch smut.

“Can I read mine out next?” The pirate in green asked. The bundle of paper he was holding looked to be about as long as the Pirate Captain’s had been, all the pages a different colour, woven together by yarn at the spine.

“Have you been working on it long, then?”

“Well...it’s sort of a collection of stories...I based them off, uh...people I know.”

There was a mumble from the pirate in red that was quickly silenced by a few choice glares.

“Alright, so, this is maybe the best one...”  
———  
Every day I came to see her, the charming youngest daughter of the house, at the blossom of her young womanhood, twenty three years of age. Her eyes were as green as if cut from the finest emeralds, and her skin was of smoothest alabaster, clear and white and soft. Her red hair fell in tresses down her back, down to the swell of her hips where her silk pink nightgown hung. I would do as I was instructed, brush her hair and rub exotic oils into the smooth curves of her shoulders. I was, of course, madly in love with her, but what chance did I, a lowly servant, stand with her?

She was engaged to be married to the son of a nobleman. His name was Alan Hilton, yet as handsome and rich as he was, he did not love her as truly as I did, and he treated her as though she were some foolish, unthinking parlourmaid from below stairs. I don’t believe she loved him, either. But still, that was the way it was meant to be. That was, until the night of the harvest dance.

My fingertips were pressed to the soft flesh beneath her bosom, her eyelids fluttering shut behind her half moon spectacles-  
———  
“Sorry! Skipped a few pages, I think.”

The Captain raised an eyebrow, shifting uncomfortably but unable to keep down his mischievous grin. “You must’ve done.”

“What is it with you lot and bosoms?” Jennifer asked. A few of the younger pirates groaned in disappointment when she did up another button on her blouse and folded her arms.

“Let him go on, Captain.” The pirate with a scarf blurted, drumming the crate he was sitting on anxiously. “It was getting to a good bit. The dance, I mean.”

“Actually, I have a story.” The albino pirate finally muttered. He refused to meet the eyes, and equally the eyepatches, of his fellow crew mates, kicking his legs. He reached into his pocket and unfolded a small piece of paper that looked for all the world like it had been torn off a map. Holding it at arm’s length and squinting, he sounded out the first word.

———

One day, Joan and Keith went to the beach. They played in the water and rode donkeys and ate sandwiches. When they dug in the sand, they found treasure! After that, they kissed in the kelp and then lay down and had a nap on their blanket until the water washed them awake. The end.

———

The whole deck erupted into a burst of applause, the pirate with gout throwing in a whistle of admiration, the Captain nodding his head approvingly.

“Brilliant story, lad. I see that fun phonics book wasn’t wasted.”

And yet, even after the cheers died down, there was still no whale.

“Number Two, do you think there are any clean bits of your story the whale might like?”

“Only about three paragraphs, Captain.”

**Author's Note:**

> Scarf..,..,


End file.
